On this day one year ago, your mom and I put you into a hospital gown, and you let us do it. You knew what was coming. We had talked about it for weeks. Then, a nurse came and poked you, and you got sleepy. They wheeled you into another room, and when you got anxious, they read your list of movie titles until you relaxed and sleep came. And for the next weeks, you endured weakness and funny medicine and strange dreams and mystery pains in the back of your head. You didn\u2019t like any of it, but you endured.<\/p>\n
It was a strange few months after that. Do you remember the panic attacks that came every night? Do you remember when we moved your brothers out of your room so they could sleep? We may never know if that happened because of your surgery, or if it was an autism thing or something else. But what we do know is this: you made it through that dark season. You emerged, and you showed us the things that make you brave.<\/p>\n
People have lots of funny ideas about courage these days.<\/strong> You see it in some of the movies you watch. One idea goes like this: \u201cCourage is having the strength to be who you really are.\u201d And this sounds good to us, because sometimes we all get embarrassed over things that are really just fine. Like when you flap your socks. Some people might not like when you do that, but you don\u2019t care much, and I\u2019m glad you don\u2019t care. You shouldn\u2019t have to care. You should be free to be yourself.<\/p>\n But I don\u2019t think courage is like that most of the time. In fact, most of the time, being ourselves is pretty easy. We know our favorite movies and our favorite foods. We know whether we want to go to parties, or to hang out with our brothers and sisters. We don\u2019t need to be brave to choose those things. We just have to do what\u2019s most comfortable.<\/p>\n Maybe you didn\u2019t think you were brave at all this past year. Remember in those really hard days when you would scream, \u201cI ain\u2019t a coward!\u201d like Arlo in The Good Dinosaur<\/em>? Maybe you thought that because you were afraid at night, you didn\u2019t have any courage. But you did. You know how I know? Because ever since those dark days, you have have been making so many hard choices. And it\u2019s been awesome to watch.<\/p>\n For example, remember those days last summer, when Mom and miss Beth took you to the bowling alley, to the movie theater, and the mini-golf place? You didn\u2019t want to do those things at first because you really love just being home with your shirt off and your movies on. But your siblings stay home all the time so you can do those things, and this summer, they wanted to go have more adventures. So you chose to go out. And that was a good choice, son. You even started to enjoy yourself.<\/p>\n On one of those outings, mom took you to the trampoline park. Before your surgery, you’d had such a hard time using the left side of your body. But over the months, you had worked hard in OT until you were able to do this. It wasn\u2019t your first choice. It would have been easier to say \u201cno-fank-you\u201d and do what was comfortable. But you made the better choice.<\/p>\n Later that month, we told you we were going on a family vacation. You said no at first. We never go on family vacations, because you like to stay home and relax in the living room. But you relented, and off we went, up the Oregon coast and down the cabin ramp on your scooter. You missed home, but you had a great time.<\/p>\n You also started to enjoy riding lessons more. Friday afternoons are a great time to come home and sit in your favorite chair for hours on end, but every week, you donned your boots and sunglasses and learned to cantor like Cowboy Pete himself. Just look at you go!<\/p>\n Finally, last week, Miss Janae took us to that place with all the Christmas lights. When we approached the \u201csnowless tubing\u201d slide, you kept eying it from around the corner. Your said nothing, but your face said, \u201cWow, that looks scary, but I really want to try it.\u201d When it was your turn, you almost backed out. Almost. But then, this\u2026 You went again and again, laughing all the way.<\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.jasonhague.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/IMG_70301-845x684.jpg\")
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